Wrong Number
by NineHundredThirteen
Summary: Losing your phone is one thing. But accidentally swapping yours with a stranger... That’s something else entirely and something much more horrifying. CRACK!CRACK!CRACK! T for Language.


**Wrong Number**

A/N: Another CRACK! Fic. I really enjoyed writing this one. Enjoy~

-

"Just cause you're pretty that doesn't mean that you can cut in line."

The 'pretty' man narrowed his dark eyes and pushed past the unbelievable bright colored person. I mean, come on…the man had sunny-sunshine-blond hair. A gruesome neon orange shirt with matching pants. He could play a colorblind clown in a children's horror film. Un-fucking-believable.

With a barely restrained groan, the 'pretty man' that I will now introduce as 'Sasuke', made his way to the front counter. He laid his phone on top and called to a server. He was a regular at this coffee house and he was running late. He just wanted to get his regular order, which he knew they set aside for him, and get out of there. Finally he made eye-contact with an employee and the employee understood and gave a sign that his coffee would be delivered.

Beside him, the colorblind blond, nudged his shoulder with his own. "You're a bastard." He said bluntly.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"I knew it from the first moment I saw you!" He pointed a finger at the raven's face.

"And you're an idiot. I could tell from a mile away with that hideous shirt you're wearing."

The blonds' anger visibly raised. "First you cut in line and then you insult me!" He yelled. Hands waving in the air. "And my name is Naruto!"

"You insulted me first. And I don't care what your name is." Sasuke couldn't help but smirk. This Naruto person was quite a sight to look at. Sasuke usually just ignored everybody but this man demanded a kind of attention that Sasuke couldn't deny.

The blond released a growl as he hurriedly emptied his pockets and placed his items on the counter. "Come on, buddy! You and me!" Naruto said with his fists raised and ready for a fight.

Was this guy serious, Sasuke thought. For just a split-second Sasuke actually considered fighting. To embarrass the blond in a two second fight in which Naruto would find himself knocked out on the floor. But Sasuke had to pass he was already late to begin with. He had a job to get to. "Go fuck yourself." Sasuke said instead as he reached for the coffee that was handed to him. He inwardly smirked as he saw the blonds' jaw drop.

The raven grabbed the phone from the counter and walked out the door without a second glance back. What a nice way to start off the day, Sasuke thought pleased.

--

Sasuke shut his office door with annoyance. He had initially hoped that he could enter the building without his brother knowing. But as it turned out, Itachi was waiting by the elevator when Sasuke showed up late. With a few choice comments Sasuke's good mood from before was now completely diminished.

The raven sat at his computer chair and took out his cell phone to view any messages. One look at the phone and Sasuke knew it wasn't his. Last time he checked his phone wasn't orange. "Fuck." Sasuke said darkly. He must of grabbed the wrong phone at the coffee house. This was not good. Sasuke was waiting for an important phone call. Luckily the arranged phone call wouldn't come until a couple of hours.

The raven sat up straight in his seat. Easy, Sasuke said to himself, this can be fixed. He scrolled down the phone, dismissing the background wallpaper, which was a huge orange fox, and opened up the Options folder. Scrolling down some more he went to the information page. Usually the owner of the phone would leave their info there in case it was lost so that it can be returned. No such luck. The screen was blank. "Idiot." Sasuke mumbled displeased.

Then it's plan B.

Looking at the call history he pressed the talk button to the most recent one. It was the safest and most obvious choice. Even though that was true Sasuke had a bad feeling about calling someone whose label was **Dog-Fucker**. Holding the phone to his ear Sasuke suppressed a sigh as a loud voice burst through. "What the hell, Naruto! I thought we fuckin' settled this! Don't call me unless you're really to apologize you dumbfuck!"

Dead tone.

Sasuke blinked and then frowned. That didn't go well. Seems like things wouldn't go as smoothly as he hoped.

Sasuke scrolled down and called the next person in the call history. It was labeled as **Sakura-chan**. That sounded better than **Dog-Fucker**, Sasuke thought dryly. Sasuke listened to the phone ring and finally it was answered by a female with a rushed voice.

"I can't talk right now, Naruto. Oh, and don't call Ino I told her about that time, you know what I mean. I got to go. Bye!"

Dead tone.

"Give me a break." Sasuke said irritated. He scrolled down to the next one.

**Freaky Bug Guy** was the label. Again Sasuke waited for the phone to be picked up.

"Yes?"

"Hello. I'm looking for the owner of this phone do you know where I might find him?" Sasuke said quickly hoping to get this over with.

Sasuke's reply was silence. The raven frowned. Did the line cut? He pulled the phone away to view the screen. Nope, the call was still going. The raven opened his mouth to try again but he was interrupted. "I never understand your jokes, Uzumaki."

Dead tone.

Sasuke couldn't help but blink again. What the fuck was that?! The raven groaned. He just wanted to find this Naruto person and get his phone back!

He scrolled down some more and pressed on the next name. **Fuzzy-eyebrows** was the label.

The call was picked up on the third ring. "ARE YOU EXPERIENCING YOUR SPRING TIME OF YOUTH!!!!!I HAVE JUST RAN 100 LAPS AND DID FOUR HUNDRED PUSH-UPS! AFTER DOING 1000 SITUPS I HAVE DONE-"

Sasuke hung up the phone that time around. That was just plain creepy. Who talked like that!!

Next one. **Baa-chan**.

"You Damn Brat! How dare you tell Jiraiya where my stash of alcohol is!"

Sasuke had to hang up again.

Next. **Blond Whore**

"You got a lot of nerve calling after what you said. I spoke to Sakura you sick fuck, go to hell!"

Dead tone.

Sasuke wasn't getting anywhere.

Next. **Shika**

"…Yeah." Said an extremely bored sounding man. Sasuke leaned forward in his seat. Finally someone who was normal!

"Yes, Hello. This is Uchiha Sasuke and I need to find the owner of this phone do you know where he might be?"

Silence

"Hello?"

"…Troublesome…"

Sasuke had to restrain himself from pulling out his own hair. Who would say that!? Just who were this people!

"…" Silence.

"Hello?" Sasuke tried again. "Hello!?"

"…snore…"

Sasuke hung up with a frustrated sigh. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "Okay, Sasuke," he said to himself. "Calm down." He scrolled down some more on the phone.

The next one said **Perverted Hermit.** "I'll pass on that one."

Next one read, **Fat Ass**. Sasuke withheld the need to slam his head on his desk.

Next…**Closet Pervert**. This time Sasuke did slam his head on his desk.

"Please let the next one be it."

**Iruka-sensei.** "That sounds normal enough." Sasuke pressed the call button a little too hard as his other hand rubbed at the sore spot on his forehead.

The call was answered. "Naruto you didn't come to lessons I told you that if-"

"Excuse me?" Sasuke interrupted peeved. "Sorry, this isn't Naruto. We accidentally swapped phones and I'm trying to track him down do you know where he might be?" Sasuke was clutching the phone hard against his ear. Let this be the one!

"Oh." Said the man on the other end.

If Sasuke clutched the phone any tighter it would break.

"Naruto could be absentminded at times. I worry about him and-"

"Do you know where he might be!" Sasuke interrupted. His other fist was clutched and he suddenly realized that he was breathing hard.

Finally the man gave him an address and Sasuke nearly ran out the door.

--

"Answer the damn door!" Sasuke barked. He has been knocking for ten minutes. He could clearly hear someone inside so why weren't they answering the damn door!

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" Said a familiar voice. The door opened to reveal a familiar face.

Sasuke glared heavily at the blond before him.

"What the hell you doing here?" Naruto said somewhat amazed and angry. "Are you fucking stalking me! Cause if you are-"

"Give me my fucking phone!" Sasuke shot out.

Naruto's blue-eyes fogged with confusion. "What the hell are you talking about!"

"This!" Sasuke yelled holding up the orange phone in his hand. "This is your phone and you have my phone! So give it back!" By now Sasuke was far gone. He didn't care that he was yelling and probably sounding like a psychopath. His anger only raised as Naruto still looked confused as he stared at the phone in Sasuke's hand.

"Hey that's my phone." The blond said astonished.

'Of course it's your fucking phone!" Sasuke threw it and Naruto barely caught it.

"Watch where you're throwing, you psycho!"

"Give. Me. My. Phone." Sasuke forced out. He was so close to just jumping on the blond and strangling him.

"Oh." Naruto mumbled. He suddenly gave a sheepish smile. "I didn't realize." He disappeared for a second and returned with Sasuke's phone.

The raven swiped it from the hand almost painfully. "About time!" He looked at his screen and saw that he had five calls. All of them were answered.

"You answered my phone." Sasuke said accusingly. "What the hell did you say!?" The calls were from important clients, this blond idiot better not have said something stupid.

"Hey, I thought it was my phone of course I answered it."

"But what did you say?"

"I told them they had the wrong number." Naruto replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Sasuke gave a blank stare that turned into a deadly glare. "You really are a complete moron."

**-END-**


End file.
